Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
