My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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