She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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