I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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