How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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