shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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