I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
