I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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