I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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