I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
