so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
