goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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