we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
