we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
