hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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