And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
