If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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