I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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