i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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