another moral hangover. fuck.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
