1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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