it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
