I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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