Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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