I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
