Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm bleeding and have questions
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
