the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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