I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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