i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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