Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
