TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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