On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
