Please, let me fuck your mom
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
