i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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