She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
