So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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