im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
