so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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