I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
