BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
