i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
