just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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