I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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