we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
