Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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