jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
