ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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