Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
