i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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