there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
