were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
