Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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