She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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